


Simple Measures to Extreme Catastrophes

by FakePlastikTrees



Category: Damages, The Devil Wears Prada (2006)
Genre: F/F, patty hewes/miranda priestley friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-17
Updated: 2012-08-17
Packaged: 2017-11-12 08:41:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,388
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/488932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FakePlastikTrees/pseuds/FakePlastikTrees
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Patty and Miranda have a chat about their girls: Ellen snores. Patty needs to sleep. Miranda helps.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Simple Measures to Extreme Catastrophes

It's a lovely evening outside in New York City. A rare, cool breeze blows carelessly about the area. In the midst of a an infernal week long heat wave, the unforeseen event is welcome as a gift from god. New Yorkers fill the streets. On this particular end of the city, the streets are populated by designer shoe clad feet and the air is a mixture of the much needed fresh air and waves of lingering expensive perfume.

 

In this particular restaurant, there is chatter and wine bottles, opening here and there. A Jazz band plays amicably in the corner somewhere. It's the kind of Friday night people talk about having in New York City, when they talk about the city.

"It is revoltingly rude of you to bring work along on the one dinner we have during the week. I just hope that's clear enough." Patty Hewes informs her good friend, Miranda Priestly, over two steaks--one well done, the other, bloody as hell--and glasses of wine.

Miranda continues to scribble down notes on the yellow post-it pasted over a two page layout of floral and takes a deep breath before replying softly, "Patricia, it's a working dinner tonight, I'm sorry to inform you, my dear friend. But alas-" She pauses as she turns another page, which she studies quizzically, and finally looks up, closing The Book shut, "-I am finished for now." Her initial smile falls as she picks up her fork and knife and studies her dinner companion briefly before assessing her with concern, "You look exhausted. Are you all right?"

"Yes--yes," Patty says with a dismissive wave of her hand, because there is no point in addressing what's been plaguing her as of late, "Listen, I ran into Lagerfeld in London last month." There. This should do it.

Miranda rolls her eyes at the sound of her latest enemy, "That awful man."

"He asked about you," Patty adds with a smirk before sipping her wine.

"I'm sure he did, that atrocious troll."

"If I recall correctly, you called him a genius in Runway's last issue."

"He IS a genius. Give him a pencil, a sketchpad and some fabric, and he's a genius. But then, he opens his mouth, and it's Pandora's Box." Miranda's drawl is difficult to distinguish. Is it honest animosity or simply a very dry, very there, very thick jab, dangerously on the edge of sarcasm? At any rate, Patricia enjoys it. She enjoys the frankness in the woman's tone and the honesty in her quiet addressing of certain individuals. It makes Patty laugh and keeps them both entertained.

Patty laughs, but her chuckle is stifled by a creeping yawn she can't quite catch and cover up. She covers the tails of it with the back of her hand, "Excuse me..."

"All right," Miranda begins, in that very serious tone she uses on her daughters, "What is going on, Patricia? You really do look exhausted."

"If that's your way of telling me I look terrible, then I resent it."

"You look quite lovely, actually." Miranda says, cutting her steak into bits before adding with an appreciative once over, "That Marchesa top is divine." And she means it. Miranda has the perfected tendency to give plenty of compliments she does not mean. But from the moment she complimented Patricia Hewes' Valentino gown at the Governor's ball two years ago, she knew she meant it. She's meant it ever since and this has ever only helped their friendship grow.

"Well, thank you..." Patty smiles and sits up just a fraction straighter. She hates to admit it, but the compliment has helped her forget about how tired she's been lately. If only for a moment.

"But you look--" She takes a small bite of her dinner and motions around her own face.

"Tired--" Patty finishes for her, "I get it." And then, the moment is gone. Miranda is the queen of double handed compliments, after all. Patty only wishes she wouldn't put her generic gift to practice just tonight.

"Yes. Does this, by any chance, have something to do with this young lover of yours? Ellen, is it?"

"Yes. Well, maybe indirectly."

"I don't understand." Miranda suddenly doesn't like the sound of this. She and Andy are dysfunctional, no one will argue that, but Patty and Ellen are on a completely different spectrum of the equation. Miranda has learned, early on in her friend's difficult relationship, to be weary of the young woman in Patricia Hewes' life. "What is going on?"

"Don't get me wrong. It's great. She's great." Patty is quick to assure. She leans forward a little, picking up her glass and sipping slowly, enjoying the taste of the wine for a moment in which she thinks of Ellen just this morning and the impromptu activity in the shower, which Ellen insisted must take place and made them both late to work. Ellen was very pleased with herself. Patty hates being late but, really, had no base for complaint.

"Right." Miranda replies, unconvinced. She's met the infamous Ellen a handful of times, and she's yet to read her. The young woman has a harder shell than even Miranda herself, and she's still suspicious, but Andrea claims Ellen is actually quite "lovely and charming", so Miranda gives her the benefit of the doubt.

"But, well," Patty continues, halting a bit in her statement, then finally deciding that there is no delicate way to put it, "She snores."

After a pause that draws out an unusually long time, Miranda releases, a low, dry chuckle. "You are joking."

"God, I wish I were, Miranda. I really do." Patty replies, dreading the truth in her confession.

"She snores?"

"Like a very large animal." Patty says dryly.

"This has been going on for years. You're only realizing this now?" Miranda exclaims.

"It has been-something-for years. It has been an actual relationship for only a few months," Even as she says it, Patty can't believe that she and Ellen have only recently shared a bed for sleeping.

"And the honeymoon phase is over, so now you know what it is like to actually sleep together, and she--snores."

"You're amusement is making me ill," Patty sneers suddenly, dropping her knife and fork into her now resented plate, "What am I going to do? I'm in my sixties. I need the measly hours of sleep that I do get, or I will look like the crypt keeper."

Miranda fights back a bemused snort, and sips her own glass of wine before calmly replying, "It really isn't as horrible as you're making it sound."

"I got fifteen minutes of sleep last night, Miranda." Patty snaps. "At my WORST, I've slept more than that."

"You know, Andrea used to snore."

Patty is indeed, intrigued. For years now, she's heard a million stories about the ever amusing Andrea Sachs, but never has Miranda mentioned snoring. "What do you mean 'used to'? How did she stop?"

"I kindly asked her to get corrective surgery or she had to sleep in another room."

Patty stares back with a grim sneer.

"I'm joking, Patricia. She uses those nasal strips. They work wonders, believe it or not."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"How do I tell Ellen she needs them?"

"...buy them and hand them to her." Miranda says, as if it is the most obvious thing in the world.

"Easier said than done, Miranda."

"Pair it with some Versace. That will cure anything."

Patty nods then, "Ellen does like her vintage…"

"You are very lucky, Patricia. Ellen seems to openly enjoy receiving expensive gifts in form of apology. Andrea, however," She sighs as her mind wanders off to their latest argument, "-will take the gift only after she's yelled her share. And even then, she pretends she doesn't like gifts. Only months later, will she comment on a particular one and never mention how she came to acquire such a lavish purse, or pair of shoes, or dress. It's exhausting."

Patty chuckles, "Trust me, Miranda. Ellen is anything but uncomplicated. But it's good." Pausing in thought for a moment, Patty smiles to herself and makes a mental note to stop by and pick up some Chanel for Ellen before adding, "It's great."

At the opposite end of the table, Miranda does the same, "Yes. It is."

END


End file.
